I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Redeem this text for a blowjob
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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