Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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