You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
