Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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