I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
