Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
