Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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