i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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