It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
