Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
