Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
