i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
