Cold hands, warm shart.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
