dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
