So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Everclear isn't food dammit
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
