I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
