last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
