dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
