I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Randomize
