Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
