I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
