It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
