The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
BRING THE BAGELS
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
