saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
