wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
