Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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