go do what you do best...puke behind churches
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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