Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
