Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
