the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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