What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize
