i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
