I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
