i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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