Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
