it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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