pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize
