Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
