hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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