that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
