We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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