My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
