it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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