idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Randomize
