well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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