We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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