You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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