Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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