I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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