is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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