i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
