i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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