I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
