you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
