oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
