After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
