he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
