i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
