Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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