Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
