I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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