Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
